// RAINBOW'S SPLENDOR

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past.

take a walk down the alley of yesterday

/May 2009//June 2009//July 2009//May 2010//April 2014/

Monday, July 27, 2009

6:44 AM

hng, this is really a world where you can't trust.
traitors are everywhere.

being the president sucks.

i was naive.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

5:15 AM

我累了。我真的感到很疲倦。
我不知道能撑得了多久。
我想象不到以后的生活要怎么继续走下去。
我只希望这种日子能尽快度过。

我现在的生活，令我很不愉快。

2:56 AM

That fear was back a few days ago.
I avoided it.
I walked the other direction..

Saturday, July 25, 2009

7:42 AM

Just shut up fucker. I've had enough.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

6:01 AM

Yea, my father was right.

True friends will be true to each other regardless of any obstacles that they face.

I don't have to be so affected over what has happened.

I have also reflected and heed my father's advice,

I told him maybe I did something to disappoint her,

He asked me if I knew what was it,

I said I didn't know and I felt very confuse, but she wouldn't tell me what's the problem.

He said if I did something wrong,

she should be true to me and tell what's the problem.

That's a true friend.

So I've decided, I don't need such a friend,

whether she is my friend or not, it doesn't matter.

I don't need a friend who turn her back on me when I succeed in something.

My father said people like her can be found everywhere.

She cannot be considered a true friend.

A true friend is very very hard to find.

Papa said for 50years of his life, he haven't found a true friend.

Papa said if she really treated me as a best friend.

She should hurry solve the problem together with me and not keep dragging on, saying she's not ready.

Alright, there goes this friendship...

I will forgive, but the trust cannot exist anymore...

From now on, I'll be leading my own life alone,

I will be an independent person and not rely on anyone but my family.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

7:23 AM

Another sad post I guess?

Cousin Lieu and Ang talked to R on the phone,

Cousin Lieu told me what was going on.

R said that she isn't influenced by C.

She said what is happening between us is our own problem.

But I really can't figure it out, I don't see why there's a problem.

We didn't even have any disputes or unhappiness with each other earlier,

we didn't even argue or quarrel about anything.

It's just, poof, friends no more.

You said you weren't ready.

Several times, I took the initiative to ask you why?

But until now, you're not ready.

Allow me to voice out my thoughts, time waits for no one.

Same goes for me.

I've taken the initiative, but you took it for granted.

So i'll wait no longer.

Be it whether it;s my fault, or yours, or both of us.

I won't bother anymore.

I do not want to add on to my stress, because I know my limits.

Haha, this is funny, it shows how unstable our friendship is.

Well, it's quite surprising, I never thought we could end up this way.

It's over now.

I can honestly say, when I achieved something, and earned glory.

I don't need friends who would turn their backs on me at that point of time.

I will not treasure such people who do things like that to me.

The quizzes were right, I have to beware of the people around me,

because they are jealous of my success.

So what does it mean? I can trust no one.

I now know the feeling of loneliness,

and slowly...

getting used to it...

Friday, July 3, 2009

9:33 AM

I discovered something within my inner self.

I discovered my fear.

I have always turned a back on this problem as I could not be bothered much.

Maybe I was just being paranoid, it was my thought then.

However, I didn't expect it to turn into a fear, a phobia.

The experience is definitely not a pleasant one, as I feel the helplessness and anxiety that struck me.

It was all so discomforting and cause me to be intimidated in such situations.

I should have tackled this problem in the past.

I haven't always been very fond of social gatherings where all the people are total strangers to me.

I may appear easy-going and easy to get along with. But it has to come slowly, and not a huge crowd at a time.

Everytime I'm physically stuck between people, that natural reaction of breathing difficulties occur.

I should have taken it to heart then.

It was a privilege to have James as my friend, he was the one who made me realize I was experiencing such a horrible phobia.

He taught me a way to overcome it and I said I would try to do it.

but everytime I think again, fear just struck me as my body temperature went from hot to cold and vice versa.

There goes my parents, not weighing the situation. They thought I was just being paranoid. Thanks. That isn't what I need at this point of time. But I hope I can overcome this fear soon.